Wow! A full half-year since I last posted here! Feels so good to be back and sorry for not posting for eons...
Don't worry. I'm not dead yet, or else why am I still here???
The reason for not posting for so long is due to the fact that I've a new blog!!!
So if you've free and want to listen to the ranting of a twelve-year-old, come here!
Okay, I have to go now...
Friday, July 11, 2008
Thursday, October 18, 2007
My Diary-That's It!!!
THAT'S IT!!! My form teacher expects my class to learn how to spell 464 words!!! Have to check the dictionary for the meanings of words we don't know!!!
Puff...puff...Calm down...
At least I can go to the online dictionary. I just have to copy and paste the meanings of words I don't know from the internet onto Microsoft Word. That's better!!! After that, I will just print it out. At least, it is better than writing it down. (By the way, I have finished 3/4 of these tedious and utterly stupid task.)
BUT I STILL HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO SPELL 464 WORDS!!!
I know that it is a one week holiday 'cause of PSLE marking but still, my teacher's really overdoing it! AND WE ARE ONLY PRIMARY FIVE!!! After all, we still have to revise for the examinations too. Oh yes, we also have other homework.
I really hate being in the best class of a very good school. Sigh...
Puff...puff...Calm down...
At least I can go to the online dictionary. I just have to copy and paste the meanings of words I don't know from the internet onto Microsoft Word. That's better!!! After that, I will just print it out. At least, it is better than writing it down. (By the way, I have finished 3/4 of these tedious and utterly stupid task.)
BUT I STILL HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO SPELL 464 WORDS!!!
I know that it is a one week holiday 'cause of PSLE marking but still, my teacher's really overdoing it! AND WE ARE ONLY PRIMARY FIVE!!! After all, we still have to revise for the examinations too. Oh yes, we also have other homework.
I really hate being in the best class of a very good school. Sigh...
Monday, October 8, 2007
My Diary - Boring Life
Have you finish your homework? Study! Revise! Exam's coming! Must get good results!
Why is life so boring? All I get at home is long, long sermons when I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! Okay, I know the SA2 is around the corner, but as the saying goes "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy", I find myself getting duller by the day! At least I can use the computer secretly! Phew! Or else it will be you-know-what everyday!
I haven't finish my homework today either. One Maths revision paper left. Sob. I also have to help my form teacher type that composition! I wish I have never volunteered to do it...
I wish to PLAY, PLAY, PLAY and PLAY. OKay...maybe playing all day is a bit sickening but still! I wish to PLAY, PLAY, PLAY and PLAY!
Never mind...I will write more next time!
Why is life so boring? All I get at home is long, long sermons when I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! Okay, I know the SA2 is around the corner, but as the saying goes "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy", I find myself getting duller by the day! At least I can use the computer secretly! Phew! Or else it will be you-know-what everyday!
I haven't finish my homework today either. One Maths revision paper left. Sob. I also have to help my form teacher type that composition! I wish I have never volunteered to do it...
I wish to PLAY, PLAY, PLAY and PLAY. OKay...maybe playing all day is a bit sickening but still! I wish to PLAY, PLAY, PLAY and PLAY!
Never mind...I will write more next time!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Jokes-Don't Learn From The Dumb Boy!!!
I knew a boy that was so stupid that:
He called me to get my phone number.
He spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
He put lipstick on his forehead because he wanted to make up her mind.
He tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
He sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
He tried to drown a fish.
He thought a quarterback was a refund.
He got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
He tripped over a cordless phone.
He took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
He asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
He studied for a blood test.
He thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.
When he missed the 44 bus, he took the 22 bus twice instead.
He called me to get my phone number.
He spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
He put lipstick on his forehead because he wanted to make up her mind.
He tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
He sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
He tried to drown a fish.
He thought a quarterback was a refund.
He got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
He tripped over a cordless phone.
He took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
He asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
He studied for a blood test.
He thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.
When he missed the 44 bus, he took the 22 bus twice instead.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Jokes
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty !" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good" and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The teacher fainted.
***
There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting and my boss fired me. When I left the building I found that my car was stolen. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had left, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. When I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."
***
WOMAN
When a woman is 18, she is a football - 22 men going after her.
When she is 28, she is a hockey ball - 8 men going after her.
When she is 38, she is a golf ball - 1 man hitting her.
When she is 48, she is a pingpong ball - 2 men pushing to each other.
MAN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut; so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian; dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a water-melon; big, round & juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin; dried out, wrinkled & cheap.
***
Ah Huay went for a job interview, and when the manager saw him wearing a colorful shirt, golden hair, streaked red tie and white shoes, he screamed in his mind, "OH MY GOD! THIS CAN'T BE IT, WOMEN!"
Since he had no choice, he had a wild idea. "If you can make a sentance out of GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE, and BLACK, I'll give you this job."
Ah Huay thought awhile, and said. "I heard the phone go GREEN GREEN (RING RING) ! Than I go PINK (PICK) up the phone, and said, "YELLOW (HELLO) ? BLUE's (WHO'S) that? WHITE (WHAT) did you say? Don't PURPLEly(POPERSLY) go disturb people, and don't call BLACK (BACK) , ok? Kum siah."
The manager fainted.
***
Ah Lum was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10, he also did it from 10 back to 1 as well. This is his story:
1 (One) day I went 2 (to) climb a 3 (tree) outside a house to peep but the couple saw me so I panicked and 4 (fell) down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 (fight) with me. I ran until I fell 6 (sick) and threw up. So I went into 7 (Seven) eleven and grabbed some 8 (eggs) to throw at him. Then I took a 9 (knife) and tried to stab him. 10 (thank) god he ran away.
So I put the 9 ( knife) back and paid for the 8 (eggs) and then I left 7 (seven) eleven. Next day, I called my boss and said that I was 6 (sick). He said, "5 (fine) , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 (for) work." He also ask me to climb a 3 (tree) and jump down. I don't understand. I so nice 2 (to) him but I don't know what he 1 (wants).
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The teacher fainted.
***
There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting and my boss fired me. When I left the building I found that my car was stolen. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had left, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. When I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."
***
WOMAN
When a woman is 18, she is a football - 22 men going after her.
When she is 28, she is a hockey ball - 8 men going after her.
When she is 38, she is a golf ball - 1 man hitting her.
When she is 48, she is a pingpong ball - 2 men pushing to each other.
MAN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut; so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian; dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a water-melon; big, round & juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin; dried out, wrinkled & cheap.
***
Ah Huay went for a job interview, and when the manager saw him wearing a colorful shirt, golden hair, streaked red tie and white shoes, he screamed in his mind, "OH MY GOD! THIS CAN'T BE IT, WOMEN!"
Since he had no choice, he had a wild idea. "If you can make a sentance out of GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE, and BLACK, I'll give you this job."
Ah Huay thought awhile, and said. "I heard the phone go GREEN GREEN (RING RING) ! Than I go PINK (PICK) up the phone, and said, "YELLOW (HELLO) ? BLUE's (WHO'S) that? WHITE (WHAT) did you say? Don't PURPLEly(POPERSLY) go disturb people, and don't call BLACK (BACK) , ok? Kum siah."
The manager fainted.
***
Ah Lum was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10, he also did it from 10 back to 1 as well. This is his story:
1 (One) day I went 2 (to) climb a 3 (tree) outside a house to peep but the couple saw me so I panicked and 4 (fell) down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 (fight) with me. I ran until I fell 6 (sick) and threw up. So I went into 7 (Seven) eleven and grabbed some 8 (eggs) to throw at him. Then I took a 9 (knife) and tried to stab him. 10 (thank) god he ran away.
So I put the 9 ( knife) back and paid for the 8 (eggs) and then I left 7 (seven) eleven. Next day, I called my boss and said that I was 6 (sick). He said, "5 (fine) , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 (for) work." He also ask me to climb a 3 (tree) and jump down. I don't understand. I so nice 2 (to) him but I don't know what he 1 (wants).
Name Jokes
5 people lived in a room. They are named Mad, Brain, Fool, Somebody and Nobody. Fool did not know the four other people, and he was a police. The four other people, Mad, Brain, Somebody and Nobody were friends.
One day, Somebody killed Nobody. At that time, Brain was in the bath room. Mad called the police.
Mad: Is this the police?
Police: Yes, what is the matter?
Mad: Somebody killed Nobody.
Police: Are you mad?
Mad: Yes, I am Mad.
Police: Don't you have a brain?
Mad: Brain is in the bath room.
Police: You're dumb!
Mad: No! I'm not Dumb, I'm Mad.
Police: *annoyed and hangs up, treating it as a prank call*
Mad dialed '999' for the police again and it was still the same police who answered the call. The police hung up upon hearing Mad saying that Somebody killed Nobody.
Mad was really anxious as his friend was killed but no police helped him.
Mad called the Head of Police the next day. The Head of Police went to the house to see if there's really someone dead. Yes, there was a corpse. Mad told the Head of Police that he did call for assistance from a police but the police had hung up on him twice.
So, the Head of Police went to check who was on duty at that time.He found out that Fool was on duty. (The Head of Police did not know Fool's name) The Head of Police sent someone to bring Fool to the house and scolded him: YOU FOOL!
Fool answered "Yes, sir?"
The Head of Police was shocked that he admitted that he was a 'fool'. Within seconds, he regained from the shock and told Fool, "You are fired!"
Fool: Oh, I see.
Head of Police: You don't have to come for work from now onwards! Take off your uniform and hand in your gun!
Fool: Is You here? I don't know anyone named You although I've worked here for 10 years.
Head of Police: You is not a name! Argh, forget it... What's your name?
Fool: Fool.
Head of Police: WHAT, you called me a fool?!
Fool: No, I said my name is Fool.
Head of Police: *blur* *dizzy* Fool, you are fired!!!
Fool: O.K... It's all their fault...
The policemen took Somebody to court and Somebody was sentenced to death. Then, Nobody was cremated. Fool went home and for the first time, talked to Mad and Brain face to face.
Fool: *looks at Mad* You Mad freak!
Fool: *looks at Brain* You Brainless!
Mad & Brain: You're so stupid, fool.
Mad: I am Mad but I am not a freak.
Brain: I am Brain but I'm Brainmore, not Brainless. I have a brain in my head and my name is Brain. Two "Brains"!!
Fool: Whatever you fools.
Mad & Brain: You are the Fool, stupid. We are Mad and Brain, not Fools.
***
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.... "HEBREWS . . . . "
One day, Somebody killed Nobody. At that time, Brain was in the bath room. Mad called the police.
Mad: Is this the police?
Police: Yes, what is the matter?
Mad: Somebody killed Nobody.
Police: Are you mad?
Mad: Yes, I am Mad.
Police: Don't you have a brain?
Mad: Brain is in the bath room.
Police: You're dumb!
Mad: No! I'm not Dumb, I'm Mad.
Police: *annoyed and hangs up, treating it as a prank call*
Mad dialed '999' for the police again and it was still the same police who answered the call. The police hung up upon hearing Mad saying that Somebody killed Nobody.
Mad was really anxious as his friend was killed but no police helped him.
Mad called the Head of Police the next day. The Head of Police went to the house to see if there's really someone dead. Yes, there was a corpse. Mad told the Head of Police that he did call for assistance from a police but the police had hung up on him twice.
So, the Head of Police went to check who was on duty at that time.He found out that Fool was on duty. (The Head of Police did not know Fool's name) The Head of Police sent someone to bring Fool to the house and scolded him: YOU FOOL!
Fool answered "Yes, sir?"
The Head of Police was shocked that he admitted that he was a 'fool'. Within seconds, he regained from the shock and told Fool, "You are fired!"
Fool: Oh, I see.
Head of Police: You don't have to come for work from now onwards! Take off your uniform and hand in your gun!
Fool: Is You here? I don't know anyone named You although I've worked here for 10 years.
Head of Police: You is not a name! Argh, forget it... What's your name?
Fool: Fool.
Head of Police: WHAT, you called me a fool?!
Fool: No, I said my name is Fool.
Head of Police: *blur* *dizzy* Fool, you are fired!!!
Fool: O.K... It's all their fault...
The policemen took Somebody to court and Somebody was sentenced to death. Then, Nobody was cremated. Fool went home and for the first time, talked to Mad and Brain face to face.
Fool: *looks at Mad* You Mad freak!
Fool: *looks at Brain* You Brainless!
Mad & Brain: You're so stupid, fool.
Mad: I am Mad but I am not a freak.
Brain: I am Brain but I'm Brainmore, not Brainless. I have a brain in my head and my name is Brain. Two "Brains"!!
Fool: Whatever you fools.
Mad & Brain: You are the Fool, stupid. We are Mad and Brain, not Fools.
***
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.... "HEBREWS . . . . "
Friday, August 31, 2007
Jokes
Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I’m not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
{Now after the marriage. You can read it bottom to top leaving last line.}
***
An old arab lives 40 years in New York. He would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is lonely and old and weak. His son studies in Paris. He writes an email to his son about his problem.
‘Dear Ahmed, I’m very sad because I can’t plant potatoes in my garden. I’m sure if you would be here, you could help me to dig my garden.I love you. Your father’
The day after the old man gets an email.
‘Dear father, please don’t touch the garden. I’ve hidden ‘the thing’ there. I love you too. Ahmed’
4 o’clock in the morning the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the RANGERS come to the house of the old man. They search everywhere, take apart the hole garden, dig every milimeter, but don’t find anything. Disappointed they leave.
The day after the old man again gets an email from his son.I hope your garden is digged by now and you can plant your potatoes. That’s all I could do for you. I love you. Ahmed’
***
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road-side. He ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.
“Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man.
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
“Oh, well, you can come with me to my house,” instructed the lawyer.
“But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!”
“Bring them along!” replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said: “You come with us, too.”
“But I have a wife and six children,” the second man answered.
“Bring them as well” replied the lawyer.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.Once underway, one of the poor fellows says: “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The lawyer replied: “Glad to do it. You’ll love my place; the grass is almost a foot tall.”
***
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over, I need help urgently! I bought a jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t even start it.
Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde replies, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a big chicken.”
Her boyfriend hurries over to find the puzzle spread over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box. Turning to his girlfriend he says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a chicken”
He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I’d advise you to relax. Let’s have a cup of coffee, and then…” he sighs, “let’s put all these Corn Flakes back in the box…”
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I’m not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
{Now after the marriage. You can read it bottom to top leaving last line.}
***
An old arab lives 40 years in New York. He would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is lonely and old and weak. His son studies in Paris. He writes an email to his son about his problem.
‘Dear Ahmed, I’m very sad because I can’t plant potatoes in my garden. I’m sure if you would be here, you could help me to dig my garden.I love you. Your father’
The day after the old man gets an email.
‘Dear father, please don’t touch the garden. I’ve hidden ‘the thing’ there. I love you too. Ahmed’
4 o’clock in the morning the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the RANGERS come to the house of the old man. They search everywhere, take apart the hole garden, dig every milimeter, but don’t find anything. Disappointed they leave.
The day after the old man again gets an email from his son.I hope your garden is digged by now and you can plant your potatoes. That’s all I could do for you. I love you. Ahmed’
***
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road-side. He ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.
“Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man.
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
“Oh, well, you can come with me to my house,” instructed the lawyer.
“But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!”
“Bring them along!” replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said: “You come with us, too.”
“But I have a wife and six children,” the second man answered.
“Bring them as well” replied the lawyer.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.Once underway, one of the poor fellows says: “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The lawyer replied: “Glad to do it. You’ll love my place; the grass is almost a foot tall.”
***
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over, I need help urgently! I bought a jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t even start it.
Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde replies, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a big chicken.”
Her boyfriend hurries over to find the puzzle spread over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box. Turning to his girlfriend he says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a chicken”
He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I’d advise you to relax. Let’s have a cup of coffee, and then…” he sighs, “let’s put all these Corn Flakes back in the box…”
Jokes-Please don't be angry, boys!
Why are men created before women?
God needs a rough draft for the final version.
Why did God created women?
He was tired of taking care of men all day round and decided to create women to share the bothersome task.
Any woman who tries to satisfy a man's stomach is aiming just a little too high.
Six stages of married life:
1: Tri-weekly
2: Try weekly
3: Try weakly
4. Try oysters
5: Try anything
6: Try to remember
God needs a rough draft for the final version.
Why did God created women?
He was tired of taking care of men all day round and decided to create women to share the bothersome task.
Any woman who tries to satisfy a man's stomach is aiming just a little too high.
Six stages of married life:
1: Tri-weekly
2: Try weekly
3: Try weakly
4. Try oysters
5: Try anything
6: Try to remember
Jokes
What does an American say when he farts?
Excuse me.
What does a British say when he farts?
Pardon me.
What does a Singaporean say when he farts?
Not me.
Excuse me.
What does a British say when he farts?
Pardon me.
What does a Singaporean say when he farts?
Not me.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
The Adventures of Muthu
*MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER*
Interviewer : "What is your birth date?"
Muthu : "13th October."
Interviewer : "Which year?"
Muthu : "Every year."
****
*MUTHU & HIS MANAGER*
The Manager asked Muthu at an interview....
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Muthu replied: "P-O-S-T-B-O-X."
****
*MUTHU & LONDON TRIP*
After returning from a foreign trip,
Muthu asked his wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London, a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'... that's why."
Wife : ?????????
****
*MUTHU & TOURIST*
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu
whether any great man was born in his village...
and Muthu said, "No sir, only babies were born here."
****
*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT*
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach.
First he cut off one leg and told it to "WALK! WALK!"
The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same.
The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same.
Finally, he cut off it's fourth leg and ordered it walk.
But the cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."
***
*MUTHU & DRIVER*
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle,
the driver adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back.
I will drive."
****
*MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL*
Muthu went into a hotel.
To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
Muthu pointed towards the signboard "WASH BASIN"
****
*Oh... Lest I forget ............. the funniest...*
At a political rally, Muthu was arrested.
Why ????????????
Because a woman journalist with a badge which read
"*PRESS*" pinned on the right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!
Interviewer : "What is your birth date?"
Muthu : "13th October."
Interviewer : "Which year?"
Muthu : "Every year."
****
*MUTHU & HIS MANAGER*
The Manager asked Muthu at an interview....
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Muthu replied: "P-O-S-T-B-O-X."
****
*MUTHU & LONDON TRIP*
After returning from a foreign trip,
Muthu asked his wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London, a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'... that's why."
Wife : ?????????
****
*MUTHU & TOURIST*
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu
whether any great man was born in his village...
and Muthu said, "No sir, only babies were born here."
****
*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT*
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach.
First he cut off one leg and told it to "WALK! WALK!"
The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same.
The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same.
Finally, he cut off it's fourth leg and ordered it walk.
But the cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."
***
*MUTHU & DRIVER*
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle,
the driver adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back.
I will drive."
****
*MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL*
Muthu went into a hotel.
To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
Muthu pointed towards the signboard "WASH BASIN"
****
*Oh... Lest I forget ............. the funniest...*
At a political rally, Muthu was arrested.
Why ????????????
Because a woman journalist with a badge which read
"*PRESS*" pinned on the right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Jokes
Roses are redish,
Violets are blueish.
If it wouldn't because of X'mas,
We'll are be Jewish.
Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
Violets are blueish.
If it wouldn't because of X'mas,
We'll are be Jewish.
Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Name Jokes
Quite funny....
Western Names but Chinese Meanings...
Stay away from these names if you are Chinese............!
Mandarin meaning:
Paul Chan - Bankrupt
Anne Chang - Dirty
Faye Chen - Dusty
Anne Chin - Keep quiet
Henry Mah - Hate your mum
Jane Tan - Frying eggs
Nelson Tan - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong - Rubbish bin
Hokkien (Fujian) meaning:
Carl Chng - Buttock
Monica Chng - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow - You are dead
Suzie Leow - Lost till death
Lim Yew Lin - Drink urine
Lim Teh Peng - Drink iced tea
Danny See - Squeeze you to death
Corrine Tai - Poor fellow
Rosie Teng - Screws and nails
Carmen Tng - Leg hair long
Pete Tsai - Nose droppings
Cantonese (Guangdong) Meaning:
Connie Mah - Call your mother
Macy Koh - Never die before
Western Names but Chinese Meanings...
Stay away from these names if you are Chinese............!
Mandarin meaning:
Paul Chan - Bankrupt
Anne Chang - Dirty
Faye Chen - Dusty
Anne Chin - Keep quiet
Henry Mah - Hate your mum
Jane Tan - Frying eggs
Nelson Tan - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong - Rubbish bin
Hokkien (Fujian) meaning:
Carl Chng - Buttock
Monica Chng - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow - You are dead
Suzie Leow - Lost till death
Lim Yew Lin - Drink urine
Lim Teh Peng - Drink iced tea
Danny See - Squeeze you to death
Corrine Tai - Poor fellow
Rosie Teng - Screws and nails
Carmen Tng - Leg hair long
Pete Tsai - Nose droppings
Cantonese (Guangdong) Meaning:
Connie Mah - Call your mother
Macy Koh - Never die before
Name Jokes
Confusing Chinese Names Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (Someone).And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) is involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (Someone).And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) is involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!
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