Jokes

Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I’m not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.

{Now after the marriage. You can read it bottom to top leaving last line.}

***
An old arab lives 40 years in New York. He would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is lonely and old and weak. His son studies in Paris. He writes an email to his son about his problem.

‘Dear Ahmed, I’m very sad because I can’t plant potatoes in my garden. I’m sure if you would be here, you could help me to dig my garden.I love you. Your father’

The day after the old man gets an email.

‘Dear father, please don’t touch the garden. I’ve hidden ‘the thing’ there. I love you too. Ahmed’

4 o’clock in the morning the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the RANGERS come to the house of the old man. They search everywhere, take apart the hole garden, dig every milimeter, but don’t find anything. Disappointed they leave.

The day after the old man again gets an email from his son.I hope your garden is digged by now and you can plant your potatoes. That’s all I could do for you. I love you. Ahmed’

***

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road-side. He ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.

“Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man.

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.

“Oh, well, you can come with me to my house,” instructed the lawyer.

“But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!”

“Bring them along!” replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said: “You come with us, too.”

“But I have a wife and six children,” the second man answered.

“Bring them as well” replied the lawyer.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.Once underway, one of the poor fellows says: “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied: “Glad to do it. You’ll love my place; the grass is almost a foot tall.”

***

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over, I need help urgently! I bought a jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t even start it.

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde replies, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a big chicken.”

Her boyfriend hurries over to find the puzzle spread over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box. Turning to his girlfriend he says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a chicken”

He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I’d advise you to relax. Let’s have a cup of coffee, and then…” he sighs, “let’s put all these Corn Flakes back in the box…”