Jokes

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty !" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good" and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The teacher fainted.

***
There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."

"No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting and my boss fired me. When I left the building I found that my car was stolen. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had left, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. When I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."

***
WOMAN
When a woman is 18, she is a football - 22 men going after her.
When she is 28, she is a hockey ball - 8 men going after her.
When she is 38, she is a golf ball - 1 man hitting her.
When she is 48, she is a pingpong ball - 2 men pushing to each other.

MAN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut; so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian; dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a water-melon; big, round & juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin; dried out, wrinkled & cheap.

***
Ah Huay went for a job interview, and when the manager saw him wearing a colorful shirt, golden hair, streaked red tie and white shoes, he screamed in his mind, "OH MY GOD! THIS CAN'T BE IT, WOMEN!"

Since he had no choice, he had a wild idea. "If you can make a sentance out of GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE, and BLACK, I'll give you this job."

Ah Huay thought awhile, and said. "I heard the phone go GREEN GREEN (RING RING) ! Than I go PINK (PICK) up the phone, and said, "YELLOW (HELLO) ? BLUE's (WHO'S) that? WHITE (WHAT) did you say? Don't PURPLEly(POPERSLY) go disturb people, and don't call BLACK (BACK) , ok? Kum siah."

The manager fainted.

***
Ah Lum was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10, he also did it from 10 back to 1 as well. This is his story:

1 (One) day I went 2 (to) climb a 3 (tree) outside a house to peep but the couple saw me so I panicked and 4 (fell) down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 (fight) with me. I ran until I fell 6 (sick) and threw up. So I went into 7 (Seven) eleven and grabbed some 8 (eggs) to throw at him. Then I took a 9 (knife) and tried to stab him. 10 (thank) god he ran away.

So I put the 9 ( knife) back and paid for the 8 (eggs) and then I left 7 (seven) eleven. Next day, I called my boss and said that I was 6 (sick). He said, "5 (fine) , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 (for) work." He also ask me to climb a 3 (tree) and jump down. I don't understand. I so nice 2 (to) him but I don't know what he 1 (wants).